Health Care Jobs

Paramedic

Must be able to make critical decisions like whether or not a person should continue lying on the ground or go to the hospital.
Must not get in an accident, obviously. Who will come get you? Honestly.
Must be able to weave in and out of traffic, run red lights, and press the 'dirty honk' alarm when people don't move out of your way.
Must be able to determine if someone is alive, dying, or dead. Doctors will be adamant about this information, so make sure you get it right because you will be asked.
Must not self administer saline solution the morning after a long night of drinking. This is not an acceptable practice. Saline solution should be administered before sleeping after a long night of drinking for best results.
Must not attempt to revive road kill. You are being hired to revive humans and occasionally pull a rubber ball out of a choking dog's mouth, but that's as far as it goes.