Hospitality Jobs
Food Server (Waiter / Waitress)
- Must be able to bring personal problems to work and ensure the customers know you are pissed off.
- When in a good mood, you must be overly annoying and have a smart ass smirk on your face. At all times.
- It is mandatory that you forget at least 2.5 items for every 3 tables you sit. If you can't figure out the math, just arbitrarily forget stuff or just don't go back to certain tables. This seems to work our fairly well.
- Get used to being yelled at because it's going to happen no matter how fucking chipper or nice you are.
- Must understand that customers are evil and they all hate you. You can do whatever disgusting thing you can think of to their food if any of them even looks at you cross.
- Must be polite.
- Must put up a hissy fit if you don't get at least 15% tip. Ensure customer's names go on the "customer's that didn't tip for shit and will get real human shit in their next meal" cork board.
- Must realize your life sucks but keep coming back because you have nowhere else to go.
- Don't get fat. No one wants to eat food brought by a fat slobby gross yucky person. Yuck.
- Must be able to work for a manager named Blaze, or some retarded variation, and keep a straight face when asking for help or following instructions.
- Women: Must be able to handle being offered sex, including threesomes. If this happens, accept the offer and locate your manager. He'll know what to do.
- Men: Must be able to handle being offered sex by older, often gross, women. If this happens and you accept, don't admit to anything.
Real Job Help