Health Care Jobs
Dentist
- Must understand you will see some of the most fucked up teeth ever. We're talking black and almost falling out.
- Bad breath is an occupational hazard. Most of our dentists seem to get off on it, so if you don't like poop breath, check the classifieds.
- Must never do anything weird/dirty/sexual to patients while they are under.
- If you must do anything weird/dirty/sexual to patients, please make sure the patients can't and don't find out about it; we don't need to be sued, again.
- If the patients are really hot, i.e. girls with nice boobs, please take photos. You know, for their "teeth file".
- Must have a hot dental assistant. There are no exceptions. If you are a girl dentist, you cannot have a hot boy dental assistant. You must also have a hot girl assistant.
- Telling the patient to raise their hand when it hurts is an acceptable practice of determining their level of pain. When they raise their hand, tell them that you're sorry and it's almost over.
- When in doubt, extract.
- Always lie about the level of pain. This includes any time there won't be pain, you should of course follow the general rule of lying.
- Making gums bleed should be your primary goal. When they bleed, you should inquire the patient about their flossing habits. Scold them for not flossing every minute of every day.
- Never explain anything. Always get testy when anyone wants to know what you're about to do. Are they dentists? Did they fail out of medical school and re-try to dental school to only barely pass? I didn't think so Shut them right up with a stiff poke to the gum.
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