Business Jobs

Customer Service Representative

Must be able to talk. We don't have any sign language phones.
Never accept blame. This is YOUR company, YOUR product, and YOUR job. Don't take their higher than thou "customer is always right" bullshit.
If asked, YOU are the manager. Just tell them that one of your reps called off sick and you're filling in last minute. They'll be so impressed they will forget about what they were calling you for.
Must always ask the customer for their ridiculously long account number even though they typed it into their phone and it appears on your computer screen. You know, just to verify.
Must occasionally speak with a very thick Indian accent.
Must never admit you don't know an answer; alternatively, tell the customer to call another department and provide them with one of the other 800 numbers. Rarely will that person be directed back to you.
Must understand that recording calls for quality assurance is bullshit. We record them so we can play them during the company Christmas party.
Must use the hold button frequently. It's there for a reason. You need a coke? Please hold.